wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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