I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
