okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
