So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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