just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
