I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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