dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize