God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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