and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
