the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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