franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize