I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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