Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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