Don't you send me to vm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
