How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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