i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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