Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
