allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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