Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize