i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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