I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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