I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
