she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
