Got a toothbrush?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
