I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
