Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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