I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
from now on my penis is your penis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
