you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
