think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Still dying that you shit outside
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
