apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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