why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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