I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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