Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
