I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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