I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
