I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
