im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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