I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
