I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
