I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
