Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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