He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
