oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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