I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
