Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how can u be prego again
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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