Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
