I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
