lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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