we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
