She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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