I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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