And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
