i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
