I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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