shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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