If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
