the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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