But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
