So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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