I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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