Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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