her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
