I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
