I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
