do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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