I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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