Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
