Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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