Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pooping to opera.
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