i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
tell me about the eggs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
