I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
