I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
