Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize