No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
