no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
